Saturday, November 7, 2009

Rough Draft

Private school parents deserve tax breaks. The local property taxes that we pay assists in the funding of public services, city streets, roads, police, and fire protection. Americans also pay an additional school tax that is used only in the public schools’ education system. It has become very difficult for many parents to send their children to private or parochial schools. They are now not only paying for their own child’s education but also for someone else’s. People who decide to send their children to private or parochial schools usually do so out of a purposeful assessment of their child’s needs. Many people feel that since private school parents make this decision on their own they shouldn’t be given any tax breaks; however, not all private school parents are rich and they too, may still struggle to pay of the bills at the end of the month. The government should offer parents of children attending private schools tax breaks or reimbursement vouchers since they do not use the district’s public schools.

In 2008, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal initiated a debate about tax breaks for private school tuition. He presented a plan to the Legislature, where 50 percent of the private school tuition, up to $5,000, would be deducted from the families state income tax. This could save $60 to $300 per child in taxes for the family. Some fear that “this legislation may subsidize private schools at the expense of public school children,” however, if the government would give tuition vouchers it would open up more opportunities for low-income families to send their children to private schools.

Private school tax breaks are not only beneficial for parents who want to send their children to a parochial school, where their children will get a dual curriculum, learning both religious and general studies, but also for parents of children with special needs. Many parents, even though they may be financially struggling, need to put a child in a private institute for more personalized attention due to learning or social disabilities. It has been proven that children with ADD/ADHA, dyslexia, and other learning disabilities succeed more in private schools with trained teachers and the proper accommodations for their specific learning situations. Tax breaks can help more parents afford these private schools for their special needs children, and will also give tax breaks for home schooling expenses.

The US government should pay more attention to school taxes and the strains it is putting on many families who are not even benefiting from them. Even though it’s a couple’s own decision to send their child to a private institution, some of their tax money should be returned or at least used towards their own child's education. As it remains now, private school parents are paying for two education bills yearly. One for their own child’s private school tuition and another for someone else’s child’s public school.

8 comments:

  1. Anthony Mazzella
    A. Private school parents are deserving of tax breaks
    B. She is all for private school parents deserving tax breaks.
    C. The paragraph tries to grab your attention by revealing the severity of the topic such as stating how much money these people have to pay extra.
    D. Maybe shorten up the paragraph a little bit and get to the point quicker.

    if the government gives tuition vouchers it would open up more opportunities for low-income families to send their children to private schools.
    Tax breaks can help more parents afford these private schools for their special needs children, and will also give tax breaks for home schooling expenses.

    her counter arguments include people don't think tax breaks are necessary because people decide whether or not they want to go to private school or not.

    A. the author deals with the opposition by proposing facts such as getting a dual curriculum and advanced help for children with disabilities.
    B. her strongest point is her argument with children with disabilities because these children can be better educated with more specialized teachers in private schools with these tax breaks.
    C. yes they are in an organized manner because the essay is set up properly with each idea in one specific paragraph.
    D. she should involve the fact that everyone would get a better and more effective education in private schools not just kids with disabilities.
    E. The fact that some people are not religious can threaten her argument because people would not send their children to private schools even with tax breaks.

    Private school parents deserve tax breaks. It has become increasingly difficult for parents to send their children to private schools because taxes and costs are so high. Some people believe that tax breaks are not necessary because sending a child to private school is one's decision but private school is more of an effective institution for disabled children and for those looking for higher educations.

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  3. Doeun Kim


    A. tax break for parents who sending their children to private or parochial schools.
    B. She’s on side of parents who sending their children to private or parochial school.
    C. Interesting point was that parent has to pay tuition which includes the tax to help public school, I didn’t know that.
    D. I think the introduction is good enough and no need of improvement, easy to understand which position she’s on and easy to get the point of her argument topic.
    Parents who send their children to private or parochial school are not rich or enough to pay the tuition. They send their children for a better environment and education. I think that is the reason why they should get some benefit from the tax break.
    A child who has learning or social disability can get better education from the trained teachers.
    A. that different ability person gets a special way of education
    B. Her strongest point is Private school child’s parents can save $60 to $300 per child and disability can get special education by trained teacher
    C. I don’t think there is a ‘hook’ which can change people’s mind who thinks the tax break is not necessary. They would say only disability child’s parents can only get tax break. There should be something that can draw their interest. Like gov’t check the income of family and make dead line so they can get tax break.
    D. the paragraphs are in an organized manner. She gives a point what she really wants straightly.
    E. think about what audience will say about the argument. Are they going to agree with it? If not, there should be effective way of giving tax breaks (c)
    5 – Tax break need to be acquired by parents who have different ability children or can not afford the tuition easily.
    6 - Tax break need to be acquired by parents who have different ability children or can not afford the tuition easily. The local property tax that we pay assists in the funding of public services, city streets, roads, police, and fire protection.(take out this sentences) Americans also pay an additional school tax that is used only in the public schools’ education system.
    7 - The local property taxes that we pay assists in the.

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  4. Robert Bernardo

    1A. How parents who send their children to private schools should get a tax break.
    B. She is on the side of the parents who send their children to private schools.
    C. She tries to hook your attention by just telling about the problem, she should relate this problem more toward the reader.
    D. Specifically, I would delete the second sentence, and then revise the third sentence so it makes sense without the sentence before it.

    2. The proposed tax break for private school tuition. The arguement about the disabled children and how they could benefit from specific learning conditions.

    3.She doesn't bring up the other side. How tax breaks for private school children is unfair because it is their choice to do so.

    4A. The opposition is not brought up.
    B. The strongest point is that the parents should be reimbursed because they are paying for two educations. This is something many could relate to.
    C. Weakest point is the side she is taking compared to who the audience is. We go to queens college not Yale, so many people went to public schools.
    D. Are in the most organized manner.
    E. How public school parents could send their child to a private school.
    F. How private school parents should not be reimbursed

    5. Private school parents deserve tax breaks in my opinion. They should not have to pay for the education of public school child, and their own child as well. Howevr there is an argument that it is the parent's choice to send their child to a private school, and they had the opportunity to put their child where their tax dollars go. I feel The government should off parents of children attending private schools tax breaks since they do not use the district's public schools.
    6 The local property taxes that we pay assists in the funding of public services, city streets, roads, police, and fire protection. The local property taxes we pay assist in the funding of public services and our protection. Even though it’s a couple’s own decision to send their child to a private institution, some of their tax money should be returned or at least used towards their own child's education. Even though it is a couples decision to send their child to a private institution, some of their tax money should be returned.
    7. Grammar and spelling have no problems.

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  5. This essay is about private school parents and taxes. The writer feels private school parents should be given tax breaks. The introduction tries to “hook” the reader by trying to make the reader empathize with the parents who send their kids to private school. She underplays the perception that most people think parents who send their kids to private school are wealthy and tries to play up the idea that they are, in fact, one of “us”. To improve the introduction, I would eliminate the second sentence because I think it is information people are aware of already. I would also just stick to tax breaks. I wouldn’t try to talk about reimbursement vouchers too. I would do one or the other, but not try to defend both. I would also eliminate the word purposeful in the phrase “purposeful assessment”. It isn’t needed. It sounds like you are trying to sound “like a college student”.
    The writer’s arguments are:
    *tuition vouchers could make it more affordable for low-income families to send their kids to private school
    *parents could be able to afford private school for their special needs child
    The counterargument:
    *People perceive private school parents to be wealthy or well-off and in no need of a tax break because they can afford to send their kids to private school.
    The writer does not deal well with the opposition because she is focused on trying to solely get her points across. The writer’s strongest point is the one dealing with parents of special needs children. It is not an easy task to be the parent of a special needs child and parents should be given a break because it is not their fault or their child’s fault that he/she is in need of more attention and care.
    The writer’s weakest point is about the tuition vouchers. I think the writer should just focus on tax breaks and stick to that instead of trying to concentrate on tuition vouchers too. The reader ends up confused about what the writer is trying to argue for. The arguments are organized in an effective manner.

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  6. Perhaps another strong point could be that the money from the tax breaks could go towards needed supplies for the student or possible donations towards the private schools themselves. One counterargument is that the parents could always send their kids to public school and not have to worry about paying tuition ever again. The thesis statement is great as is.
    These sentences can be revised: “As it remains now, private school parents are paying for two education bills yearly. One for their own child’s private school tuition and another for someone else’s child’s public school.”
    At this moment, private school parents are paying for two educations. One is for their own child and the other is for a public school child that they are not the parents of.”
    I think you should look over a couple awkward sentences throughout the essay and come up with more arguments to make your thesis statement stronger.

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  7. Amanda Wright
    1.
    A. This essay is going to be about tax breaks for parents who send their children to private school.
    B. The writer is for tax breaks for parents.
    C. The introduction tries to hook my attention by telling why parents usually send their children to private/parochial school.
    D. I think the sentence that says purposeful assement, the writer should take out the world purposeful.
    2.
    The writer's arguments that support her thesis are that parents would be more likely to send their children to private or parochial schools if there were tax breaks, also that the teachers are trained better to deal with children with learning disabilities.
    3.
    The writer's identifies the counterarguments by saying that people feel giving parents of private schooled children will hurt the public school system because they will be losing money.
    4.
    A. The writer only deals with one counterargument, I think she can research some more counterarguments to her thesis.
    B. The writer's strongest point is that she went to private school so she knows more about it than most others do.
    C. The writer's weakest point is that she only has two arguments and could do a little more research to back up her thesis.
    D. The essay is written in a well organized manner and is easily understood.
    E. I do not know anything about private schools, and why people are sent to them so I do not know another argument to back up her thesis.
    F. Another counterargument is that elderly people in school neighboorhoods have to pay school taxes and if parents who sent their kids to private school got tax breaks because they weren't using the public school system then the elderly people should get tax breaks because they do not use the public schools either.
    5.
    The theis is well written with the exception of what I mentioned earlier in question 1.
    6.

    7.
    I feel the writer can do more research and find some more supporting arguments to back up her thesis on why private school parents should get tax breaks.

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  8. 1.
    A. The essay will be about tax breaks for private school parents.
    B. She is for tax breaks for private school parents.
    C. Introduction tries to hook my attention be stating the reasons why she think private school parents need tax breaks such as the fact that they are not just paying for their own child’s education but for other children also.
    D. I think she should remove purposeful and let the assessment stand by itself so as to prevent repetition. I think she should also remove sentence 2 because everyone knows what taxes are used to fund. She should also move sentence 6 in the introductory paragraph to sentence 2 to show that not all private school parents are rich and as such they need tax breaks. I think the writer should also just focus on tax breaks rather than focusing on both tax breaks and reimbursement vouchers.


    2.
    • Not all private school parents are rich
    • Private school parents not only pay for their child’s education but for other child’s education as well
    • Some parents send their children to private school because they require special attention.

    3.
    Private school parents were the one who chose to send their children to private school over public school.
    4.
    A. The writer dealt with the opposition by stating the fact that not all private school parents are rich and some send their child to public school because they require special attention.
    B. The writer’s strongest point is stating that some parents send their kids to private school because they require special attention. I think this is a good point because private school provides the service that these special needs children require and as such parents are just doing what’s best for their children and because of this they need tax breaks.
    C. I think the writer’s weakest point is making mention that tax breaks will also give tax breaks for home schooling expenses. I don’t think this statement ties into what her essay is about so I would suggest it be eliminated.
    D. I think the points are well organized.
    E. Another strong point could be failure of public schools
    F. Another counterargument could be one should just send his/her child to public school
    5. Private school parents deserve tax breaks. Many feel that since private school parents make the decision on their own they shouldn’t be given any tax breaks. However not all private school parents are rich and they too, may still struggle to pay of the bills at the end of the month. Some parents who decide to send their children to private or parochial schools usually do so because their children require special attention. It has become very difficult for many parents to send their children to private or parochial schools. They are now not only paying for their own child’s education but also for someone else’s. Americans also pay an additional school tax that is used only in the public schools’ education system. The government should offer parents of children attending private schools tax breaks since they do not use the district’s public schools.
    6. Many parents, even though they may be financially struggling, need to put a child in a private institute for more personalized attention due to learning or social disabilities.
    Many parents, even though they may be financially struggling, need to send their child to a private school due to learning or social disabilities
    People who decide to send their children to private or parochial schools usually do so out of a purposeful assessment of their child’s needs
    Some parents who decide to send their children to private or parochial schools usually do so because their children require special attention.
    7. I think the writer needs to do some more research to find stronger points to back up her argument so as to be more convincing.

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