18 Year-Old Volunteer Finds a New Meaning to Life from Heartbreaking Experience with Autistic Child:

The Friendship Circle

By: Elisheva Liviem
Date: September 17, 2009

Within her first five steps into the Friendship Circle Center, a ragged old house on the corner of East Shore Road, in Great Neck, N.Y., early Sunday morning, Eli Liviem immediately knew that she would not be able to survive a day volunteering to be a “friend” to functionally and mentally disabled children.

“What the heck am I doing here? What a huge mistake?” Eli affirms were her first thoughts, “Why did I ever sign up for this?”

The room was loud, crowded, and demanding as temperamental autistic children threw unexpected fits. Eli was about to turn around and leave the center when she suddenly caught eye to a young girl who was sitting on the other side of the room. This child’s warm, loving smile and the happiness shining from her eyes immediately fascinated Eli. Staring at her cheerful eagerness as she completed the last few pieces of her alphabet puzzle, Eli realized there was something particularly special about her.

Mr. Rosenthal, the Friendship Circle director, informed Eli that she would be working with a ten year old girl named Joelle who had an undiagnosed form of mental retardation. Eli’s job was to provide companionship, support, and encouragement for the special needs child assigned under her care. (Joelle was adopted at birth, as a perfectly healthy child, by a lovely couple that was unable to have children of their own. Unexpectedly, due to a virus at the age of three, Joelle developed a mental impairment.)

As Eli was lost in her gaze, Mr. Rosenthal called her over to introduce her to her “friend.” He led Eli across the room to a small yellow table in corner where Joelle sat with her puzzle. “I couldn’t believe it.” Eli told reporters recounting her initial surprise, “Joelle was the girl for whom I felt such a strong attraction to when I first walked into the room that morning!” Something about Joelle’s warmth of attitude made Eli feel welcome and perfectly comfortable.

From that first day three and a half years ago, Eli has spent almost every Sunday morning playing, learning, and laughing with Joelle. In addition to their weekly meetings, Eli occasionally took Joelle bowling, out for pizza, or to see the latest Disney movie. As the years passed, it became increasingly obvious that Joelle not only appreciated Eli but really thought of her as a true friend.

Eli’s week always started with the sweet flowery scent of Joelle’s hair as she wrapped herself into Eli’s arms, in the beginning of their session each Sunday morning. The months flew by and Joelle remained as happy as always until one Sunday morning in early May, the Sunday morning that would change Eli’s life forever.

She arrived at the Friendship Circle Center a little late and immediately noticed the back of Joelle’s head as she sat alone at a yellow table in the corner of the room. Expecting the usual hug and kiss, followed by a shriek of joy and laughter, Eli lightly tapped Joelle’s shoulder to grab her attention. Instead, Joelle turned her chair, stood up-staring straight into Eli’s eyes, and slapped her across the face!! Joelle screamed, yelled, punched Eli’s shoulder, and kicked her legs.

“I didn’t know what was happening,” Eli explains, “My heart raced, my fingers trembled, and my body began to shake. Never in my life had I been as petrified as I was that exact moment.” Eli’s body began to tremble. “What had happened to Joelle? Why didn’t she remember me? Why was she acting like this?” As the questions rushed through Eli’s head, tears began to run down her cheeks.

Mr. Rosenthal saw what had happened and hurried over to calm Joelle down and explain to Eli her sudden aggressive behavior. A few days earlier, he explained, Joelle’s doctor changed her medication in hope of reducing her mental impairments. The doctors didn’t know if the new medication would successfully work on Joelle, but warned her parents that the change might affect her personality and behavior. It wasn’t Joelle’s fault for hitting Eli; it was the effect of her new medication.

Eli cries when retelling the story, “Joelle didn’t play and laugh with me that Sunday morning. She wasn’t the gregarious, high spirited, friendly girl I used to know. And it was only then that I realized I needed Joelle to be my friend as much as she needed me to be hers.”

After three years of standing by Joelle, as she grew and developed from a lonely ten-year old child into a wonderful teenage girl, Eli finally recognized how much Joelle had added to her own life all along.

As she left the Friendship Circle Center that Sunday morning, Eli’s life was not the same. It was missing something--Joelle.

Joelle made Eli realize that giving to others was something she deeply wanted to do with her life. She showed Eli that being a mentor, teacher, and educator were each important and fulfilling. Being a friend, however, was more valuable.

“I never thought that volunteering my time at the Friendship Circle would give me something back;” Eli confessed, “Yet, it gave me a gift I would not have been able to obtain anywhere else, the gift of ‘friendship.’”

Eli hopes to take her experiences with Joelle and use them to be a better educator and teacher one day. As Joelle said when she was only 11 years old, “teachers are the best people in the world!”
Eli has now moved on to graduate as a Special Education major and spend the rest of her days with little boys and girls just like Joelle.